you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
