i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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