Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
