I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
