let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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