Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
