It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
