They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize