did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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