need another drink. this is the easiest way
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
