Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
