the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
