We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
