The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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