Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He is like the real live version of the state fair..

Fav 16 979 2992
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(303): View more from Colorado

Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

Fav 10 7085 1439
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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(712): View more from Iowa

i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends

Fav 7 4102 1377
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(937): View more from Ohio

I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.

Fav 21 4337 2089
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(512): View more from Texas

There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.

Fav 5 2701 1322
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.

Fav 0 477 583
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(904): View more from Florida

That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.

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