She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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