So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize