I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
