My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she woke up with a sticky ear
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
