Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
