How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
