JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
