i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
