I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize