My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
