Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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