D3 body, D1 cock
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize