apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
