It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
