today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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