mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
