so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize