I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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