I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
