My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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