Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
