I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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