I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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