i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
