You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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