Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
