You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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