So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
