i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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