I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
