i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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