I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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