One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
