It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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