I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
