When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
