so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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