i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
