nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
