does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize