No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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