On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My life is pants optional.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
