I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
