YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We got so high we made milksteak
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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