She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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