do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
