i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
