Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
