so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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