I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
high people should be assigned attendants
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
