We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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